I don’t even know where to start, considering that I haven’t been here for 5 months or so, and so much has changed in my life.

let’s start… most of u know what happened, I came to Germany, following a dream, being totally happy and excited about my ‘year’ here. Surprise surprise. It went 110% different. Since the very first night here, my homesickness went awful, I think that still nowdays, none really understand my homesickness, some people think I exagerate and all that, but the truth is that it feels real.

If u consider that I was a 20 year old girl, who had never been far away from home, who had never left her country, that lived with mommy, who used to do anything she wanted her to do, that I didn’t even know how to do the loundry, that anytime I wanted to cry, I’d take the bus and 5 minutes away I’d have my sister telling me what to do.

and suddenly… boom! I’m in a different country, with people I don’t know at all but I have to trust in, with a language I can hardly speak, living alone, learning to do stuff I never used to do, dealing with other culture, a different weather, and much more stuff that were the biggest shock of my life.

And when I wanted to cry… who with? Where? When? I couldn’t, only at nights, alone, facing my biggest fear: Loneliness (Which I didn’t know what was until now)

sometimes I have the thought that what’s really happening to me is not even homesickness, but more like ‘facing FINALLY the real life’, getting mature, growing, starting to live. Leave behind the 10’s and living the 20’s.

I knew that some day I was going to do it, but maybe the idea of doing it in a different country, in a different continent, didn’t work.

Somehow, I discovered someone in me that I didn’t know. I’m proud of myself, cause even if I’ve feel awful the last 3 months, now I know that I’m strong, and that I can do things alone.

Life’s scary, when I think about when I was 15 and the biggest problem and worry in my life was “omg I’m gonna fail maths” or “Omg I love this boy who doesn’t love me back” and now it’s like I think about it and I think about how stupid these ‘problems’ were (Altho in that moment they seem to be the worst thing that can happen to u in the whole life) and now, that I’m so worried about my life right now, I think “HAHA I’m only 20, the real worries are still to come”… and it really scares me.

In these 3 months I’ve learnt so much about life, so much about myself, that I’m really amazed at how can a human feel so many feelings in just one day. and the best thing, none but u is the only one that has to deal with them…

I can tell u that in these 3 months, I’ve been sad, yes, I’ve been homesick, yes, but somehow I’ve enjoyed this like hell, I mean, it’s soooooo strange, cause it’s like I can’t be happy 100%, I’m not, but I’ve enjoyed. Enjoyed travelling, knowing new people, knowing a different culture, seeing snow for the very first time, all that kinda stuff.

Last week i travelled to Köln where I FINALLY met Tanja. That’s probably the greatest moment of these 3 months. After knowing her for too long in the internet, getting addict to Milka thanks to her, and so much things, we finally met. it was amazing, and even if was only a short time, i had a GREAT time. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!

This week finally I made up my mind, after so much thinking and thinking, I took the desicion of going back to Mexico. Not now, I mean, not next week, but In february or March. I’m not taking it as a “aww I couldn’t deal with this, I’m going back” but more like “Ok, instead of a year, it’s only going to be half a year”

I know that I had so many plans here, like travelling, meeting more friends and all that, but I think that I’m taking the right desicion. I’m happy with it to be honest. It’s still 3 months left, and I will try my best to ENJOY every single minute of them. I know that a lot of people will see me like “aww she couldn’t do it” but I won’t care. When anyone says that trying to get me down I will say “ohhh have u been out of the country? have u ever tried it? No, right? then shut up” Cause that’s the true. many people might be like thinking that I’m not able to do this, or whatever, thinking I’m weak. But the truth is that ONLY ME and none else knows what I feel like, none knows what’s on my mind, so this is a descion i have to take myself.

I’m not booking the flight yet, I will wait until January that I’m in Tenerife with my host family and there we’ll talk and take the final desicion. They already know I want to leave, but they suggested me to wait till then so that’s what I’m doing.

I like Germany, I sure do, and I would like to be back here later, but older, I dunno, in 5 years, with a good german, and more ready to do this. Cause as u know the plan when i came here was travelling to the UK and Ireland mainly, but I can’t, thanks Euros! so I have to come back and finally travel there, right?

Whenever I go back, even if it’s tomorrow, next month, 3 months or one year, I’ll take the best memories with me. I’ve know great people here, who have been a great support for me (Karina, Katka, Karla, Aischa…too many to mention), I’ve enjoyed this, I’ve seen places, and it’s been great, I will take the best memories with me really. These ones that stay forever. I know that when I go back I will miss this, but only MISS, I won’t regret of being back. Just as I don’t regret of coming here, we’ll see huh?

So ok I’m done with the speach xD if anyone wants to add anything to it, welcome! hahaha

Ps.: Wanna say a HUGE congratulations to the Allcock family for the happy news!!! *big hugs* =)